John S. Hall

On Receiving the Message, at 3:13 AM, on Tuesday, September 21, 2010, that Joe Schrank Has Confirmed me as a Friend on Facebook

1.
A wave of relief washes over me,
As if I had stood at the shore and begged the waters to envelop me,
And the waters granted my wish,
With a whole bunch of water, enveloping me, and I was swept away, by an unusual destiny in the blue sea of August;

And now I am accepted, like the way we all hope to be accepted-by our peers or our audiences or our idols or our deceased descendants,

I am found, like a wretch that once was lost but now is found;

I am redeemed, like a bunch of box tops, plus two dollars and fifty cents postage and handling, mailed in for some talismanic or totemic item tangentially related to Quisp or Kaboom or Lucky Charms;

I am validated, like a driver with a temporary permit to park in a space where she otherwise would not be permitted to park, but now temporarily can, because she has purchased goods or services from a business entity that has been granted the mystical power of parking validation;

I exist, like the sound of a tree that falls in the forest when someone, someone named Joe, is there in the forest to hear it.

The John Hall, who before this moment, was a single Facebook member with a mere 453 Facebook friends, is now not only a Facebook member with 454 friends, but also a part of a 1544 member community-the community of Facebook friends of Joe Schrank.

2.
Perhaps Facebook puts it best when it simply states, “Joe Schrank confirmed you (meaning me) as a friend on Facebook” followed by a dot dot dot

Those ellipses-are they a suggestion of wonderful times ahead? Will my Facebook friendship with Joe Schrank, now in its infancy, grow into a mature, mutually beneficial relationship? Perhaps.

As far as I know, Joe has no band to promote. Perhaps this Facebook Freindship won’t be a one-sided, parasitic affair. I dont mean “affair” in the sexual sense. Maybe I don’t mean affair at all. Maybe I don’t know what I mean.

3.
Perhaps this is a good time to mention that I don’t know Joe Schrank, and he does not know me. At all. We have never met in this, the allegedly non-virtual world—
Although maybe the lives we think we live are merely more virtual experience, perhaps of an other, possibly higher, order.

4.
Point being though,
I have never laid eyes on Joe Schrank;
Never heard his voice or smelled his scent.
Never pressed the flesh
Never shot the breeze
We’ve never gone fishing together,
Never discussed anything,
Never meditated
Never prayed together.
We’ve never sucked each other’s cocks or
Fucked each other’s wives.

I don’t even know if Joe is gay or straight, married, single, divorced, childless or childed.
I don’t know jack shit about Joe.
I don’t know jack shit about Joe.
I don’t know jack shit about Joe.

5.
I only requested Joe
On someone else’s say so.
Someone who I actually know.
Someone who told me I ought to know Joe.
So there you go.
And here we are.
I waited for a while
And suddenly
Joe Shrank graciously accepted me.
But who is he?
And what should I do now?
Maybe I’ll rape his friend list and see if there’s anyone there that might like me.

Maybe I’ll send him a message
Maybe I’ll give him a poke.
Maybe I’ll send him some political links.
Maybe I’ll tell him a joke

But most likely
He’ll sit there
Like most of my other 453 friends
And we won’t hear from each other
Or even think about each other
Until Facebook tells us our birthdays are coming up,
Unless of course, somehow, some way, somebody lets Joe Shrank know
About this long long Joe Schrank song.

Joe Schrank
Joe Schrank
Joe
Joe
Joe…

–John S. Hall

Poetry