Silent Calls
You know how sometimes the phone rings and when you answer it no one’s there? Many of those calls are made by cats.
Science Virgin
“I’m a science virgin,” said Adele. “I’ve never conducted an experiment!”
photograph by Chris Bava
Singing Furniture
My furniture is singing a tune from Scriabin.
Marriage Mistake
“My big mistake was that I married two men, but not at the same time!” Gail remarked.
Exercise “Surgery”
Before plastic surgery, movie actors would perform facial exercises to improve their appearance. Humphrey Bogart spent four years with the Anderssen Method of mouth exercise, in his early 20s.
Extreme
“I work in the growing field of Extreme Retail,” Dory revealed.
Not Watching
I don’t have a TV set, but often I’ll get the television listings from The New York Times, just to find out what I’m not watching at any given moment. For example, right now I’m missing Extra Cheese, a reality show about pizza-making.
Sleepshopping
“Not only am I a sleepwalker, but I’m also a sleepshopper,” Susan revealed. “Last night, while sound asleep, I bought a box of toothpicks and a lightbulb.”
Retire into Virtue
“Many rogues and criminals retire into virtue,” Patrice observed. “When you get to a certain age, virtue is the only option.”
$72
“My father gave me $72 with the stipulation that I spend it in 72 places,” Johnny explained. “It took me nine months, but I did it!”
Last Judgment
Why does “The Last Judgment” include the adjective “last”? Was there a First Judgment? Or a Third? Shouldn’t it just be called “The Judgment”?
–Sparrow
Poetry