The True Story of the Death of Osama Bin Laden

We here at Sensitive Skin don’t like to delve into politics because, well, really, who gives a shit?

But given all the controversy over the death of Osama Bin Laden – was he armed or not? Were we trying to capture him or assassinate him? Did we bury him at sea to conform with Muslim tradition, or were we just trying to hide the world’s worst case of freezer burn? – we feel it incumbent upon us to share this transcript which has inadvertently fallen into our hands (you wouldn’t believe some of the submissions we get). So here it is, the official transcript of the crucial last moments in the life of OBL:

Barrack Obama: Every dog has his day, huh, Osama?
Bin Laden: I told him. It didn’t make any sense, clipping you when we had you working for us. He wouldn’t listen. He got hot tonight, about the broad, you know? He fucked up.
Barrack Obama: You too, Osama. You fucked up.
Bin Laden: Don’t go too far, Barry.
Barrack Obama: I not, Osama, you are.
[Obama shoots Bin Laden in the gut, he gasps and groans]
Bin Laden: Fuck! You can’t shoot a CIA agent!
Barrack Obama: Whoever says you was one?
[Obama leans forward, aiming the gun at Bin Laden]
Bin Laden: Wait a minute! You let me go. I’ll fix this up.
Barrack Obama: Sure, Osama. Maybe you can hand out yourself one of them first class tickets to the Resurrection.
Bin Laden: Fucking punk. Son of a bitch.
[Obama stands up]
Barrack Obama: So long, Osama, have a good trip.
Bin Laden: Fuck you! Barrack, don’t kill me, please!
Barrack Obama: I ain’t gonna kill you.
Bin Laden: Oh Christ, thank you! Thank you!
[Obama looks at Hillary]
Barrack Obama: Hillary, shoot that piece of shit!